Total Recall: Schwarzenegger

With Total Recall's release this month it seems appropriate to reflect on the original 1990 blockbuster. Starring none other than the iconic Austrian bodybuilder-come-actor-come-politician Arnie Schwarzenegger, and directed by Paul Verhoeven (Robocop) this is not a nineties disaster.

The plot does a bit of a Shutter Island on the viewers ass, with ideas of the fragility and subjectivity of memory and dreaming screwing with your mind to the extent you feel as paranoid as its protagonist. Set in a vision of the distant future, the sci-fi narrative centralizes Douglas Quaid as a dude who gets 'more than he bargains for' when he seeks artificial holiday memories. It's hard to explain without confusing everyone involved, but basically Quaid discovers (or does he?) that his entire reality is an implanted memory (or is it?) and that he was originally a spy seeking to undermine the corrupt government (or is he?).





What's great about Recall is its collaboration of a sci-fi/action genre with humour and a clever plot that doesn't seem to exist in films these days - you either have the mind-blowing, but let's face it, comically serious Inception style films or a flat out comedy.

Total Recall is, surprisingly, extremely violent. Originally X-rated due to this, but with grizzly bits cut out to slim it down to an 18, it's darkly and shockingly brutal throughout. What makes this possibly more disturbing is the use of miniature effects rather than CGI. In undoubtedly the most impressive effects committed to screen without computer animation, solely sets, robots and miniatures were used. This creates especially eccentric aesthetics when, most memorably perhaps, peoples eyeballs explode due to exposure to Mars' atmosphere. The look of the film is brilliantly wacky in general, with a plethora of weird and wonderful characters - from mutants, to siamese twins to women with three boobs.

Moreover, Schwarzenegger surprises by bringing emotion to his stereotypically robotic acting palette, delivering numerous one liners in an effortless zeal which reflects the cheesy but self-mocking tone of the new Expendables in which he stars.

"If one more person tells me they'll 'be back'...!"

And with the majority of the film set on Mars, what could be more of a suitable time to remake this bizarre classic than in 2012, with Curiosity pumping Will.I.Am tunes into space?




Coming soon: Total Recall: Farrell

BRAVE

Disney/Pixar's newest instalment, Brave fiercely continues the legacy of witty, not-just-for-kids films with prominently superior animation.

Brave evokes Britain's ethereal Celtic past, with ancient runes, barehanded battles with bears, and a hell of a lot of red heads dominating its insular world. We also get the indistinguishable sense of the Scottish that evokes such films as Braveheart and Highlander, where haggis, kilts and bagpipes are never amiss, as well as that rapturous, heart-tugging music that beautifully encapsulates the wilderness and promise of the highlands. And what's a Scottish film without Billy Connolly?

Sumptuous is an adjective that is thrown around critically concerning a film's look, but this Brave is. The juxtaposition between Merida's fiery corkscrewed mop and the verdant greens of the rugged Scottish landscape is visually arresting on its own. Attention to detail has reached such acute levels with the animation on this project, with backgrounds and settings intricately composed, and the textures and movements of its characters - from people to horses, dogs and bears -are authentic and striking.

The story of Brave itself is truly a breath of fresh air, particularly for a film whose ancestry lies in Disney 'Princess' realms. I've read criticisms of the film for being predictable, un-engaging and not as good as vintage Pixar.

In terms of predictability, Brave is anything but. I went to see the film with a completely (unsettlingly, perhaps?) open mind because I wasn't sure what it was going to be about. All I could guess from the posters was a red-haired girl that shows...bravery? I don't want to give anything away because the main plot point unfolds midway through the film, but basically Merida (Kelly MacDonald) is our female protagonist who is told forcefully by her mother (Emma Thompson) that she must follow tradition and choose a suitor in order to stabilise her kingdom. Merida, ever the teenager, wants to be free to choose her own identity. This clash of parent-child - and particularly Mother-daughter - relationship is rarely central to a film's narrative; it is here. There's no Disney Princess-esque romance present. Thematically Brave's focus is on identity and destiny that both reflects its protagonist's diegesis and that of its creators: Pixar. Brave seems a statement of mixed compromise and independence from the genre stereotypes of the Disney machine.

In terms of being un-engaging I don't think the film or its makers should apologise for Bravely breaking convention. I found it very engaging! I was completely convinced by Merida and her mother's frustrating relationship; it was funny throughout, with plenty of underneath-the-kilt gags and the three miniature triplets are delectable; the plot was also alive enough to surprise.

In terms of not being up to Pixar standard, this is subjective but I have three words for you: Cars? Cars 2?

Glorified Bob the Builder?

What's more, in terms of the 'Disney Princess' cliche honestly I can't see a wisp here for feminists to complain about. This film is a feminist's dream. It's the best thing since we got to wear trousers, or even vote. (jk) As with great satire, Brave undermines the Disney Princess archetype from the inside-out. Yes, Merida is a Princess. Yes, Disney is the parent company of Brave's producer, Pixar. But this is where the similiarities end. This chick loves riding around bareback on her shire horse through the Scottish highlands, shooting arrows at impossible homemade targets and abseiling pitchy waterfalls.

 

There are a couple of sweet moments such as when the scottish lass decides she is going to compete in the contest for her hand in marriage, burying the suitors at an archery contest. Beforehand, she literally rips the constraints of her maiden's dress (accompanied undoubtably by cheers and ker-chings from women across the land) --- what better symbol for breaking the seeming necessity for a female protagonist to find romance in a film? Especially when Disney Princesses are all, what, sixteen? Should you be getting married Ariel I'm-sixteen-years-old-I'm-not-a-child the Little Mermaid? Disney neglected to mention that after her ride into the sunset she featured on sixteen and pregnant.

Without wanting to sound preachy this shouldn't be the example young and impressionable (!) children are being bombarded with. Brave's heroine Merida is more what I think youngsters should be like - feisty, opinionated and pro-active.


So, do I give Pixar's latest a double thumbs up? Och, yes.

P.S. The notorious Pixar short before the movie is SO CUTE

P.P.S. If you found this interesting click here for a review which I found very helpful in reflecting on Brave.

50 Shades of Suggestions

Whether you haven't read it, think it's written like someone faceplanted on a keyboard, or think the concept's creepy, E. L. James couldn't give less of a toss because 50 Shades of Grey is the fastest selling book on record.

Accordingly, Hollywood spots an unmissable green print for making money via movie adaptation. And everyone's in a furor.

Will Spielberg direct? Tarantino? If only Hitchcock was still around!

No.

For some inexplicable reason Bret Easton Ellis, author of American Psycho, didn't want to write the script.

More importantly, of course, is the lineup for who will play Christian Grey, the BDSM-fanatic/attractive millionare main man. So far Ryan Gosling is at the very pinnacle of the salivatory list, and I have to say that he might actually pull the role off. As we've seen in The Notebook and Half Nelson Gossers can play tortured very, very well. And I happened to notice he's not bad to look at.

 

 

Michael Fassbender, Robert Pattinson, Alexander Skaarsgard (Eric in True Blood) and Henry Cavill (Immortals) are other actors who have been tipped as suitable for the role.

As for taking the position of the first person narrator and central female in the book, Ana Steele, a wealth of actresses have been suggested. This includes: Mila Kunis, Amanda Seyfried, Alexis Bledel (Gilmore Girls), Anne Hathaway, Emma Watson and Michelle Trachenberg (Euro Trip, Buffy the Vampire Slayer), among others.

Finally Kim Cattrall (Sex and the City) has been foregrounded to play kinky cougar - so, pretty much Samantha Jones? - and Christian's former love.

 

What do you think? Who would play who best? Do we care? Frankly, I haven't been this excited for a film since at least yesterday.

ted

Ted is a hilarious film about the battle for supremacy between boy and man. If you live under a rock and haven't seen this advertised, you may not know that the film centres around the miracle of a boy's teddy bear coming to life, only for it to become awkward when he becomes an adult (Mark Wahlberg).

Notably starring, written and directed by Seth MacFarlane of "PEETAA" Griffen recognition, the distinct Family Guy style is moulded by the comedic genius into feature film format here. We have the same outrageous comedy, obscure cultural references, cheesy subjective sequences (there's a scene where John meets his childhood hero Flash Gordon, and the windmachines are out); MacFarlene even includes a Peter Griffen v.s. Giant Chicken-style bust up in there. But I must say there's something about an animated teddy bear beating the shit out of a fully grown man in live action that goes very much beyond that in hilarity.

The "FUCK YOU, THUNDER!" song

Yes, we have the hallmark crude humour - understatement? - consisting of the usual sex jokes, your-wife sex jokes (if you've seen it you'll know what I mean ;) ), farting, racial 'banter' (there are Jew related gags crawling out of the proverbial woodwork), more farting, and even excrement makes an appearance. Even excrement. As with Family Guy, the film is pretty homosocial, with the bond between Ted and Jon reaching an almost 'bro's before hoes' status, but Mila Kunis (FWB, Black Swan) does well to steer this in a more healthy direction.

Giggity Gig?

I was very impressed with Ted's CGI - the way Ted moves, cuddles, walks just looks like he's a real life walking/talking cuddly bear, and the transition sequences when he metamorphoses from toy to magical talking toy is done seamlessly without any evidence of a change of digital state.

In terms of plot-work there's nothing groundbreaking here, but that's not what Ted is about. This is a facetious, viscerally entertaining piece by Seth MacFarlane, which can stand deservedly next to comedy hotshots like The Inbetweeners Movie and The Hangover.

Let's just say it had me in stitches. I'm not even sorry about the pun.